I think i peed on brittanys purse
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I would fuck him just for his dog
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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