She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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