got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize