I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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