Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize