Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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