I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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