It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
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I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
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Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm like, not good at living.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize