it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i think i have herpe
just one?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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