Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
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Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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