i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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