So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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