Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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