you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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