paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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