I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
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This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
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I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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