Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
this just has baby written all over it
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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