Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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