she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize