he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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