Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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