You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
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I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
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I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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