I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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