I wanna bring you to show and tell
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
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I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
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I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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