I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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