I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
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had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
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You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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