we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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