hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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