see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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