i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize