we're blogging at a bar
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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