don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
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I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize