your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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