so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
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I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
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Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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