i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize