sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
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Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
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Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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