So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
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He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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