cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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