i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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