TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
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He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
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Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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