Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
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He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
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It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My vagina is very pro this idea
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