I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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