forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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