One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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