hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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