we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
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Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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