He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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