i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize