dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
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Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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