True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
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Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
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Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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